Any Day Now...

WHY WON'T MY BRAIN TURN ON?! Doesn't it know that I have classes again?! Arrgghhhh

Bittersweet.

I miss the mountains. I'll miss the nostalgia of Raleigh.
I miss the rugged outdoors. I'll miss the comfort of my childhood home indoors.
I miss the independence of being away and alone from home. I'll miss the support of my loving family at home.
I miss my friends in Boone. I'll miss my family and friends in Raleigh.
I miss my home in Boone. I'll miss my home in Raleigh.
Is it possible to be torn in two? I am.
I love everything about Boone: the crisp mountain air, the unexpected, the rigor of classes, the independence, the friends, the landscape, the jagged edges of the outdoors.
I love everything about Raleigh: the familiarity, the unconditional, loving family I am so lucky to be blessed with, the friends I seem to have known for ages, the straight-edged lines of urban downtown.
I am so unbelievably ready to be back in Boone, but I am so unbelievably sad to be leaving everything in Raleigh behind.
Most of all, my family. I miss my family every single day I'm up in Boone, and that is one of resounding pains of Boone.
I wish more than anything I could have it all, family and Boone, but I know I can't. So for now I'll have to settle for both whenever I can get them and in 2 days, it's Boone's turn.
That does not by any stretch mean that I won't miss my family more than anything, I just wish they knew how much I do.

Interpretation of Sibling Dynamics.

To gain a better understanding of my sister and I's relationship, I have provided you (whoever you are) with the following video. Playing me is the young man seated at the table while my sister is played by the jolly fellow holding the pot of Kool Aid. Enjoy.

Lokta.

New journals/sketchbooks are for long nights of well wasted time!

Six Years.

I've never heard silence quite this loud.

____ Remains.

I've never seen the sky like this.
The stars
bleeding contentment
to be held in the arms
of the sky that so loves them
that it cannot let them fade.

Pushing Imaginary Buttons.

This is the first day I've actually taken final exams of this semester seriously. Ironically, tomorrow is also the last day of exams. Better late than never I suppose.

This weekend was simply too nice to pass up for climbing out at Table Rock. After my morning exam, I packed and headed out for a whole afternoon of climbing out at the Chimney's, a late night steak dinner cooked over a campfire, a night hike and stargazing on top of Table Rock, and hammock camping. I've decided that there are few things better than waking up in the morning outside in a hammock in view of the sun rising over distant mountains. It's impossible to properly capture all the tints and shades of the sunlight as it hits each tree top in the ridges and valleys without being there yourself. I'm really, let me reiterate the really, going to miss Boone this summer.

Ok, back to Mesozoic mammals and long since forgotten calculus review notes...shoot, I was doing so well focusing before this blog...

The Mountain.

Sometimes I don't understand how the world can be so painfully beautiful. This is easily the most breathtaking thing I have ever seen. I must go here. In the meantime, I suppose watching this video on repeat and a little bit of imagination will have to suffice.

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

A Diamond in the Rough.

Why yes, yes my boyfriend did blast "Flight to the Ford" from the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack driving around Boone today.

Windows down.

And no, no I didn't have him at gunpoint.
It continually amazes me how I somehow managed to find him...

R.I.P. Macbeth.

Well...Macbeth, my mac, seems to have died on me.
This could make the remainder of the semester quite difficult.
Typical? Oh yes.

Dan Osman.

There are no words to describe my awe...

Metachase.

"Rocks truly are amazing things, as I have said before. You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a few billion years they can still surprise you at a pinch"

Is it wrong how ridiculously excited I'm getting about being able to identify a bunch of rocks? It's amazing the story they tell, the things they've been through, all that they have seen...

"Screen Your Worry From What You Won't Ever Find."

"One certainly has a soul; but how it came to allow itself to be enclosed in a body is more than I can imagine. I only know if once mine gets out, I'll have a bit of a tussle before I let it get in again to that of any other."
-Lord Byron

This semester, my honors seminar is a class on brain plasticity and the immeasurable possibilities of such an astounding capability. While I could go on for quite a few blogs as to the content of the course and the many implications of such plasticity, this blog is addressed towards our uncharacterstically philosophical discussion near the end of today's class. Our readings for discussion today were centered around the capabilities of thought, visualization, and imagination as they relate to brain synapses and the resulting physical performance of a specific task. Like I said, I could go on a tangent for quite some time of all the course work and class discussions, but to get to the point, near the end of class today, one girl brought up the idea of one's soul. Well, one thing inevitably led to another and next thing you know we had begun to undertake the timeless uncertainty of where's one's soul existed, whether or not we are all born with one or whether or not we must be taught to have a soul, if it is separate from the body or somehow incorporated within, if we can lose our soul, whether or not we even have one. I'm sure I probably built this particular blog up with anticipation for some sort of answer, or insight at least into my perspective on the matter. However, I myself find my own opinion throughly lacking with so many questions left unanswered. I suppose I have always thought of one's soul as a shapeless energy of sorts somewhere within each individual's mind, which to me is the root of everything that makes us who we are as a person, as an individual, as Chase. Does this soul linger after the extinction of one's mind, of one's life? I believe so. How? That I don't know. That I don't think anyone has an answer to if it does indeed endure. I feel as if this is the beginning of a philosophical resurgance for me. It seems ages since I've really thought deeply about something like this. Profound thought is an essential part of our growth as individuals as well as a human race. Without it, I feel as if we are doomed to complacency. But it's getting late, I feel like my own mind is turning into a jumbled mess from the anticipation of some much needed sleep. Hopefully there will be more to come on this topic.

“You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.”
-C.S. Lewis

Hafiz.

"Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth 'you owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky."

"Society, You're A Crazy Breed. I Hope You're Not Lonely Without Me."

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness an just be happy"

My fortune as a result of last night's craving for some Chinese seems to speak multitudes of my life's current circumstance. Since the disastrious domino effect of about a month ago, I seem to have regained some balance in mindset. I'm somehow managing to survive my 19 hours of classes this semester and all the obstacles it seems to have been throwing out at me, all the long nights of no sleep and disappointments that were added to the mix. Things have been pretty nice of late though. These days it seems as if i'm continually inspired, continually appreciative, continually motivated by my typically highly erratic ideals. I've been regaining my footing, I've met someone that makes me happier than I've been in a long time, I'm rerealizing just how fortunate I am to have the friends and family that I have, and there's the anticipation of the next week spent outdoors. In about an hour I head out to the New River Gorge in West Virgina to spend the week rafting, camping, and climbing. Water levels of the New are supposedly 13x normal, it's dumping snow outside as I type suggesting quite a cold night ahead, and there's the possibility of rain that could hinder the climbing later on, but my eagerness to get outside seems to have only been strengthened. I think I've finally paused from my pursuit of happiness, to finally just be happy.

"The Stacks Are Your Load."

There are few things better than dimmed lights, rain, Bon Iver, and overwhelming contentment.

Do The Evolution.

What I learned in geology today...

1. My professor quite frequently refers to Charles Darwin as "Chuck".
2. There's research that our appendix, commonly known as the supposed definition of a vestigial orgain, might actually be of importance afterall...oops.
3. Geologists are one of the only ones that put time on the y-axis. It looks weirder than it sounds.
4. Embryology is kind of gross.
5. Embryologically, we're closer to starfish than cockroaches...what a relief...

Yes, today was productive.

How Do You Expect Me To Respond To This.

I wonder what would happen if people expressed every feeling that they had every moment that they had them.

My Heart Is Melting.

It's decided. I want a hedgehog.

"Promise What You Will...Time Will Take It All And It Will, You'll See."

I seem to be in a near constant battle royal of sorts with expectations and life.
You want to know why I've never been much of a planner? For anyone that knows me, they know it can't stem from indolence. It's because life doesn't care if you've made plans in advance, it's going to do whatever it wants to do whether in line with your expectations or not, as the past few weeks has clearly shown me.
The problem that most people run into is what to do when life does intervene and all notions of control seem to be wrecked. It seems that no matter what preparations one makes, they are are essentially null and void in the grand scheme of things, when compared to life's largely unknown intentions. That's where people are wrong though. Hell, that's where I'm usually wrong.
It's in those impromptu decisions made at the crux of crumbling plans in which one has the most control. I think those are the moments that truly define people and what they will get out of life. Flexibility is grossly underrated. Paired with, as cliche as it sounds, a positive outlook flexibility can pretty much solve any of life's hurdles. I don't know how many times I have to prove this to myself to actually heed my own advice.

"Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.
-Bruce Lee

"Was It Love Or Fear Of The Cold That Led Us Through The Night?"

I've been back in Boone for only about a week now and I'm already forgetting what it's like to walk without slushy snow beneath my feet and a biting wind ripping at the exposed flesh of my face. Don't get me wrong. Snow is great for a day at at time, maybe even days at a time, but months? Well...I'm still deciding. In any case, it's hard to remember that not too long ago, Boone looked like this...

Ziuatanejo.

"You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That’s where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory..."